One of the most insidious side-effects I’ve witnessed repeatedly regarding transmisogyny, outside of the way it directly harms transfemmes, is the fact that because so few people are willing to stick up for transfemmes when the chips are down, we routinely accept behavior from our defenders that we wouldn’t accept from anyone else because for once we aren’t the only person defending us.
The behavior I’ve seen can range from other types of transphobia, to racism, fatphobia, and more. We are too often willing to look to the side for other bigotries if it means that we aren’t in the line of fire for a bit, which often comes back to haunt us when someone else tries to make us culpable for our defender’s “sins” as well.
We have to break this cycle. Accepting it stands directly in the way of trans liberation, especially for BIPOC transfemmes.
Stop giving passes to bigots just because “they fight for us”.
No it’s not fair that it always falls on us to do better. No, it’s not fair that we’re always targeted. But we can control how we respond to it. It’s whether we’re willing to sacrifice other trans folks, BIPOC trans folks, disabled trans folks, etc. for our liberation.
We aren’t.
We can change and do better, we have to do better. We can’t let the standard of “when are things better” rest at “when white, abled, trans people are safe” and leave everyone else in the dust. We can’t let “I’ll accept this bigotry now until we’re safer” be the way we survive because that’s just letting further marginalized trans folks take the fall for us, and that’s not an acceptable route to liberation.
Let yourself grow alongside us, not on top of us. You cannot pass this work off to others. No, you probably ain’t doing enough as things are now. Most of you aren’t even reaching White Critical yet and thinking you’re doing all you can.
I know that you might be scared to speak up on these issues, to share our stories about this, because you know that some of your friends, some of your mutuals, your followers, are the ones that have been acting like this.
Stop trading stagnation for comfort at the end of the world.
I know you tired, that there’s so much happening, but Black transfemmes are dying and y’all ain’t showing up for us. We crowdfunding our funerals and having to fight even harder to get them paid. Stop being complicit because its easy, because you tired. We don’t get to escape and to do so is a privilege.
You are not beholden to complete the work, success does not rest on your shoulders alone, but not are you allowed to abandon the work. You have to do better or you too will be alone with nobody to fight with you at the end.